My first year of doctoral studies was all consuming. The balance was off and all my waking, and one may argue non waking, time was spent on doctoral work: Reading, writing, thinking, talking. Not to mention engaging in constant internal dialogs around self-doubt. It was truly all consuming. I remember spending weekends locked in a study room at our local library and becoming close with the local 5:00 AM coffee vendor.
My kids struggled, my marriage struggled and I am sure my friendships struggled. Talk about selfish. I was miserable. I almost quit.
However, today I am away for a fun weekend. And I see this as an initial indicator that balance is upon me. I am not locked in a library study room. I am not crying over my painful self-induced doubt. I am having fun and am NOT consumed with PhDness. OK, OK. I know. I am still working, but I am also fulfilling another important part of what makes me me: Friendship.
And you know what, I feel good. I feel good about my studies. I feel good about my projects. I feel good about my own developing research (for the first time I am conducting my own- YIKES), my own teaching, my own work with schools, and most importantly I feel good about my family and my friends. It was nice to hear this weekend that they feel the same way.
You know what else? I am reflecting. This blog is proof of that. That feels good too. I had "no time" for this last year (so I told myself anyway) and now I am making time. The 24 hour day is still the 24 hour day. Time didn't happen to me. I made time and I continue to carve time out for all that is important to me.
Balance. It's a beautiful thing!
Maybe I will finish this thing (my PhD that is) after-all: Now that's powerful.
